|How To Carry Pythons
Rule 1: Make
sure it is a python. (These rules don’t
apply to carrying other sorts of snakes, or koalas.)
Rule 2: Make
sure you know which end is the head.
Rule 3: Make
sure there are enough people. You need one person
for every metre of python.
Rule 4: Everyone
should be one metre apart.
Rule 5: Short
people shouldn’t stand between tall people.
Rule 6: Tall
people shouldn’t stand between short people.
Rule 7: Nervous
people should be closer to the end of the python
that hasn’t got a head on it.
Rule 8: There
should be at least one not-nervous person.
Rule 9: When
lifting the python, everyone should do it together.
Rule 10: Make
sure the person at the front has the end with
the head on it. (Pythons don’t like being
Rule 11: Make
sure the person at the front is the person from
Rule 12: Make
sure the person at the front knows where they
Rule 13: Make
sure you all walk at exactly the same speed.
Rule 14: Don’t
Rule 15: Don’t
lean forward and say ‘Hissssss!’ in
the ear of the person in front of you.
Rule 16: If
you get an itch, ask someone who’s not carrying
the python to scratch it for you.
Rule 17: When
putting the python down, everyone should do it
at the same time.
Rule 18: No
one should let go of the python before everyone
else. (It works best if the person from Rule 8
says, ‘One, two, three~LET GO!’)
Rule 19: After
Rule 18, everyone should run away as fast as they
Rule 20 (the Golden Rule
for carrying pythons): Remember that
pythons kill their prey by twisting around them
and then crushing them to death in their coils,
so KEEP THE PYTHON STRAIGHT AT ALL TIMES!
Happy python carrying!